When people are too scared to admit what really lies beneath their scars on their arms and feed the lie of “oh it was the cat” to the questioner, why do they bother? I understand that people may not want to broadcast their personal, intimate reasons and details to any Tom, Dick and Harry, or for the fear of being seen as an “attention seeker”. But when it is a close friend that poses the same question, why does fear take over the truth? When some friends say “you can tell me anything, you know that right?” Do we really choose to believe that?
Is the fear that society may have ingrained itself along with its expectations and human physical norms in everyone too much to bare? We hear constantly about sad stories of suicide and self harm happening to people of all ages, and how so much more should and could have been done to save them. Yet in the same breath we like to believe that if the situation ever arose in our own personal lives then we would behave differently and either give the help and support required or have the faith in the people around us to reach out for help.
That quite recently happened to me, I knew my friend was depressed and I knew there was a chance that they may well have scars yet it was only when they chose to show and me did I really show and prove to myself how I would react. At first I was completely silent, processing what I had just seen and bringing back every thought and piece of knowledge I had on the subject. Eventually though as scared as they were for revealing such information to me and as scared as I was that I might say or do something I always thought I wouldn’t. I just told them that I was proud. This naturally took them by surprise thinking I was encouraging such an action, but in truth I was proud of them that they could have the faith to tell me.
I’m not saying this as a definite answer as I’m sure there are plenty of explanations out there but I think that people that “push” away the people that have chosen to bestow such information upon them are really just scared. Scared of being associated with a somewhat deviant action within society. In the 21st Century where perfection is praised and everything else is shut in the cupboard under the stairs; is it really a shock when people seemingly turn their backs to these shadows of deviance? Perhaps it the somewhat innate drive of being accepted by -in this case- the norms of this fast paced world in which we live. I believe that what need to change is the stigma attached these issues and hence the person with them. I understand it will never be socially acceptable to self-harm nor do I want it to be but I’ll continue to wait for the day that people stop shunning the scars that hold this stigma.
I’m not sure that this makes much sense at all to anyone reading. For putting such thoughts down on to (virtual) paper and it actually representing them can be a challenge. But if this just challenges or agrees with one thought you may have then feel free to comment and let me know.